


cowering and crying

by spacebutterfly



Category: Inazuma Eleven GO, Inazuma Eleven GO Chrono Stone
Genre: Dinosaurs, chrono stone, violence as a result of said dinosaurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2017-11-23 18:31:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/625301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacebutterfly/pseuds/spacebutterfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deserted and lost in a time that isn't his, Hayami starts to panic. What is the meaning of this?</p>
            </blockquote>





	cowering and crying

Humid air. Shallow breaths. An vague scent, a waft of fresh green plants and exotic flowers in a rainbow of colours. He breathes it in. It hits the roof of his mouth, but he reels at the unfamiliar stench that comes with it; weak, but not too weak to go unnoticed. The stench of blood clings there, forcing its way in where it's not wanted. Is it human blood? Hayami can't tell either way.  
  
_I feel sick..._  
  
He can cower in a crevice of cave, but not even that layer of rock can protect him, not from those creatures; with flaring nostrils, senses of smell finely honed enough to hunt down his mammal flesh, then with claws and talons they'll dig him out of his grave, his safe place. Then teeth, razor sharp knives, diamond constitution, they'll rip and tear, then crush. Reduce him to a sack of blood and bones with no shape, no real form. There will be no more Hayami Tsurumasa. Not in the future, not in the past, nor in the present. He will not exist and he will have never existed. A blip in the time-line, a snack for a hungry reptile. That's it. He'll have served some purpose, at least.  
  
_No..._  
  
Hayami can't breathe, only choke out coughs. He doesn't want to die, not here, not yet. It wasn't supposed to be like this. The legendary Raimon Eleven! He's one of them. Or was. Maybe insignificant now, maybe on the sidelines, watching others grasp glory he can never hope to rise to, but that's fine. It's okay if he's beaten down again and again. As long as he's alive. He wants to be alive.  
  
_Please don't kill me. Please don't kill me, please don't die...please...there are people that need me, I need them, I need to be alive with them. I know I'm weak...I know that...I'm weak, so why doesn't anyone save me? It's not fair..._  
  
Hayami breathes again, carefully. His throat aches to cry, but he doesn't. Breathe. Calm. Hayami hugs his knees to his chest, digging his fingers into his calves, lifts his gaze to a crack in the wall, the cave mouth. The stars shimmer through, gleaming eyes in the night sky. Eyes that don't recognise him. They don't understand his fear and they have no sympathy for him. A million stars turning a blind eye. Hayami sighs and buries his face in his knees. It hurts, the way the ridge of his glasses digs into the bridge of his nose, but it's fine. It's something other than the numbness of his tired body.  
“Tenma-kun,” whimpers Hayami, squeezing his eyes shut tight, picturing those piercing blue eyes, optimistic yet too naïve. He can picture all of them. “Shindou-kun...Kirino-kun...Fey-kun...” he grits his teeth, his eyes water, “Nishiki-kun, Nishizono-kun, Kariya-kun, Tsurugi-kun...Amemiya-kun, Kinako-kun, Tobu-kun...” Hayami clenches his fists harder, nails digging into his skin. “Everybody's gone, everybody left...nobody needed me...that's it...that's probably it, right?” His throat aches, so much. His head aches, like it could burst. He's going to break, he's broken.  
It's lunch-time at the reptile house, you could say.  
He cracks a wry smile. He always was the only one to laugh at his own jokes.  
  
A distant roar stirs him to consciousness. He doesn't know when he fell asleep or how long for, but the world outside is still covered by a black sheet. He's lying on his side. His body hurts, but his head hurts more. Hayami lifts himself to his knees, shakily, meticulously, then raises a listless hand to the side of his head. A sharp pain. Something wet and warm. Blood?  
  
_Not again...this smell again...I don't want to...I don't want to...I don't want to..._  
  
He must have hit his head on the way down. The obvious conclusion. He scrubs his hand on the rags they called clothes. Now they look a little brighter. Hayami lets out a weak laugh, but really it's a sob.  
  
_Smash your head on the rocks again. Finish the job._  
  
But...

 _As long as I'm alive, I can be saved. I can see everyone again...I can see Raimon again...I can see my family again...I can see Hamano-kun and Kurama-kun again..._  
Hamano-kun, are you worried? Do you know? Do you know what's happening? Do you know where I am...or where I was?  
  
Hayami tries to tear off a bit of his would-be tunic, something to stem the bleeding with, but no good, it's tough material. Tough, and absolutely useless. It won't save anybody's life. In the end, it's worthless.  
  
_Maybe the future has corrected itself already. Maybe I no longer exist. Maybe I never existed._  
A Time Paradox.  
  
Hayami pulls off one of his shoes and rams the soft part to his head. It still hurts, he feels queasy, but the blood isn't trickling down the side of his face so much now. This is good. Right now, he's still alive. If he's alive, he can be saved. Hayami looks at the cave mouth again. Maybe he's surrounded, or maybe there's nothing living out there for miles. Who knows? He ran as far as he could. He climbed as high as he could.  
  
_But in the end, maybe what I can do, what a normal junior-high schooler can do, just isn't enough. Not enough to save anybody. Not enough to save myself._  
Not everyone can have a miracle. For some people, the world just never revolves around them. Everyone's fates are confirmed in bold print...  
  
Hayami sits and waits at the cave-mouth – crouched at one of the edges, of course, just peeking – damp red shoe still desperately clutched to his forehead. The sky is a little lighter, a sort of purpley-orange. The stars are starting to fade away. The sun is rising, slowly. Light spills over the landscape, but not yet enough to fully illuminate the dark shadows moving across it.  
“The herbivorous ones,” murmurs Hayami to himself, in a voice he barely recognises, dry and cracked. He hadn't realised how thirsty he was. He needs to drink to live. He needs to live so that he can be saved.  
Those herbivorous ones don't scare Hayami so much. They could easily crush him underfoot, but they're slow, and Hayami isn't slow. And besides, they don't take much notice of anything that isn't a tree or a predator. More importantly, water. He needs to find water. Hayami stands up and creeps out of the cave, out onto the open cliffside. He's lower down than he thought. Still metres from the ground, too high to jump from, but maybe he can climb back down. He looks around at the surrounding land, luscious and green but wrong. He can't see a waterhole. Just trees. Everything is covered by trees. He can't drink a tree. His only choice is to climb down the cliffside and search on foot. But then again...he can feel his limbs shaking even now, and that's not even fear, no, that feeling has numbed now too. But it's been replaced by weariness and dizziness.  
  
_It doesn't matter. If I go down there, I'll be killed. I'll be hunted down, I'll be torn apart. I'd be walking straight into hell. So it doesn't matter._  
  
Hayami groans and collapses to his knees. The moment they hit the ground with a thud he wishes he hadn't. Not because of the pain, he can barely feel it. But he has a feeling he won't be able to stand back up again.  
  
_It doesn't matter. I give up._  
  
“Hamano-kun,” whispers Hayami, although he can barely understand why. “Shindou-kun...Captain...somebody...I don't want to die...”  
  
_I give up. I can die, I can stop the fear and the pain. I won't be missed. They don't need me. The world will fix itself, it'll go on without me._  
  
Hayami gasps, breath shallowing once more, arms shaking, shaking, it's too hard to keep upright. He lowers himself to the ground, or he has to, there's no strength to keep him from the ground. He crawls forwards.  
  
_It's too high to jump from._  
  
Still he crawls forwards, slowly, painfully slowly, pain that he can't feel, but pain he knows is there. Still he crawls forwards.  
  
_A forgotten human in the wrong place and the wrong time._  
  
Hayami reaches the cliff-edge and cranes his neck over the edge. He sees the ground, too far away. Trees dotted around, too. It'd be worse if he landed on one of those. All of a sudden Hayami has to suppress the urge to vomit. Is it the height? Or his body giving up?  
  
_At least I'll be buried in a beautiful place, right? In time..._  
  
A screech breaks Hayami out of his stupor. A shadow cloaks him and it takes everything he has, and a little bit he doesn't have, just to look up. Something huge an orange. A bird? No, not a bird...  
“Tobu-kun...Tobu-kun's dad, right? You came to save me...” Hayami's tired face creases into a smile, he can hardly believe it. He's saved. He's _saved!_  
Tobu's father alights himself on the ground behind Hayami, who desperately pulls his body back around, his back facing the sheer drop, but it's fine, because Tobu's father is here, he came for him!  
“Scree!” The pterodactyl spreads his wings.  
“Yes,” croaks Hayami with difficulty. “It's me...you...came...to save me...right?”  
“Scree!” He clicks his beak.  
“I can't...move,” struggles Hayami. Every word is a trial. His smile falters. Why isn't the stupid bird doing anything? He's starting to get impatient. “The others...take me to...the others...”  
Tobu's father doesn't move. He stares with unfamiliar eyes, eyes without understanding.  
“Take me back...you need to...” And then it clicks. He realises.  
  
_I made it up. I made it all up. This is what madness is, isn't it? I'm seeing things right before I die. It's not Tobu's father at all. I've never seen this thing in my life. I'm delirious. My mind isn't working right any more. I don't know what to do._  
  
The creature squawks again. Teeth. Birds shouldn't have teeth. Hayami eyes them, sharp like knives, butchers knives, and the fresh kill's right here, if a little rare.  
  
_Is it going to? Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. Just do it. I don't care anymore._  
  
The creature stares. It won't move.  
  
_Kill me, just kill me, aren't you here to kill me? I know this is it. This is it. I already know..._  
  
Hayami wants to scream. Scream and scream until his lungs give out. But his lungs have already given out. He's dizzy. His chest is tight. He's looking, but he's not seeing. His mind is light, like a balloon about to pop.  
It's a dumb animal, but it has such murderous eyes. It hungers for blood. To it, Hayami, the word Hayami, it doesn't mean anything.  
  
_It hurts. I can't feel anything, but it hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts so much, why can't I die? Why am I still alive? Is this what death is? There's more? Doesn't it stop?_  
  
Hayami falls forwards, his elbows hitting the ground, closely followed by his face. Crack. It's faint, it's tinny, but he thinks he hears something break. Of course, his glasses. It's fine, he won't be needing those where he's going.  
  
It's hazy. Blackness creeps into his vision. He doesn't feel anything any more.  
There's nothing to feel. There's nothing to see. For a long time, there's nothing. Maybe a for a few long seconds, or minutes, or hours, there's nothing.  
And then suddenly, there's something.  
  
A flash of white. White hot and burning through every nerve in his body. His eyes are open, wide open, and somebody is screaming. He's screaming. His ears are ringing.  
  
He can see it from where he's sprawled on the ground, he can see it between his arms, a dark shape where his chest should be. A spear, a beak with pinpointed precision. Teeth, a serrated edge caked with blood. Blood. A waterfall of blood. Flesh, flesh where it doesn't belong, protruding where it doesn't belong. Bones. His ribcage. Jutting out, crooked. Disgust, pain, terror, all burning, shaking, bubbling inside him, inside him somewhere, even though there’s nowhere for it to go.  
  
Pain that lasts forever but only lasts a few seconds.  
  
A shrill scream that will never stop, ever.  
  
***  
  
Hayami sits up with a start, clutching his hands to his chest. There's nothing there, or is there? He gropes around feverishly, fingers tugging at sweaty fabric. Where is he? It's dark. But the ground is soft. He's panicking, he can't stop the sound that escapes his lips, a cry of fear, erratic and confused.  
  
_I'M DEAD – IT KILLED ME?!_  
  
“Hayami!” says a voice. A tired voice, but a beautiful voice.  
Hayami can't trust it. A moment ago, he was pierced through the heart. Nobody saved him. Hamano didn't save him. He can't have.  
  
There's the flick of a switch. Hayami gives a start. He's in a room lit by faint light, a familiar looking room. He looks up for the person who spoke, his cries fading to whimpers, his eyes wide and disbelieving. A dark figure emerges from the bed, his expression lethargic.  
“H-...H-...Hamano-kun...Hamano-kun...Hamano-kun!!” Hayami cries, not daring to move a muscle, for fear it's a trap, another false image.  
“I know, I know, I know, shhh,” hushes the boy, his smile gentle like a calm tide, his voice sleepy but soft, and so kind... He slips out of bed and onto the floor next to Hayami, puts his arm around him and pulls him close, then draws the blanket around them. “Shh, shh.” Warmth spreads through Hayami's body from tip to toe, especially in his stomach, which feels light, but a good kind of light, light with excitement and disbelief.  
“Hamano-kun, I just...I just...I was just...this...” Hayami stutters, staring at Hamano for answers, staring into his big brown eyes. Hamano smiles and leans forwards, touching foreheads with Hayami and rubbing noses. He's warm. His breath is warm. His lips are warm, and they’re soft...  
“You had a bad dream,” whispers Hamano, squeezing Hayami's shoulder tight. “But it's okay. I'm here. Nobody can hurt you here.” It's too good to be true. Hayami can't believe it.  
“No...it...something...it happened...they're coming to get me...Hamano-kun, you need to hide me, those...” Hayami swallows, shivering, panic rising with every word, “Those things are going to get me! They're looking for me! They know where-”  
“They can't,” says Hamano firmly, his smile dissipating as he places his free hand on one of Hayami's. “It's that same dream again, Hayami. Dinosaurs are extinct. They can't time travel without an artefact and a time machine. I mean,” Hamano's expression brightens, “Dinosaurs have like, really small brains, so they'd never be able to do all that stuff anyway.”  
Hayami takes in these words. He feels calmer. He's still shaking, but his mind stops racing. It makes sense. Everything is starting to make sense. Besides, didn't he come back from the prehistoric era days ago? His memory doesn't seem clear, but... “Hamano-kun...what if...the...what if those guys come here, and they, they went back in time to get a...one of those things, and then came back here, and then-”  
“It won't happen,” says Hamano seriously. “But, if it does, we'll fight 'em. We all will. The whole team. That's how it goes, right?”  
“...R-right,” Hayami stammers. He pauses, letting his gaze rest on Hamano's smiling face. He'd thought he'd never see it again, but that was just a dream. Just a stupid dream. It had felt so real...  
Hayami lets out a sigh of relief and exhaustion, burying his face in Hamano's shoulder. He snakes his arms underneath Hamano's, digging his fingers into the back of his shirt. “I'm so glad...”  
“Right?” Hamano purrs, running a hand through Hayami's mop of hair. “It all just happened in your head. Must have been scary though, right?”  
“It was so scary...It was so scary...and it hurt...I thought...” Hayami thinks about it, then shakes his head, trying desperately to disperse the image. He doesn't want to think about it. It's not real.  
“But it's okay now.” Hamano squeezes Hayami's shoulder again, then pulls away gently and stands up. Hayami looks betrayed.  
“Hama—!!”  
“Don't panic!” smirks Hamano, pulling back his bedsheets. “Get in here, it's comfier.”  
Hayami stares, feeling his face redden. “...Hamano-kun, with you? Is that...okay?”  
“Obviously, why not?” Hamano grins. “Come on, you get in first.”  
Hayami complies. It's true, Hamano's bed is much comfier than sheets on the floor, comfier than his own bed at home, even. And it smells like him.  
Then again, why wouldn't it? This _is_ Hamano's room. Hayami smiles, leaning back on the pillows as Hamano pulls the bedcovers over them both.  
“I'll chase away the bad dreams, don't worry.” He grins, shifting closer to Hayami and draping an arm over his chest.  
“Jeez, Hamano-kun, I'm not a baby,” smiles Hayami, but inside he's grateful, so grateful to have Hamano, someone who isn't the least bit embarrassed to hold him close and tell him everything is all right. He takes Hamano's hand and squeezes it, letting his eyes close like they so desperately need to, even if he'd rather not. He'd rather stay awake a little longer, with Hamano-kun...  
“It won't happen again,” says Hamano sleepily, “But if it does, I'm here.”  
He doesn't want to go back there, back into that nightmare world of sleep, but he's not alone this time. Maybe this time, the nightmare won’t come again.

  
_I'm not alone. I'm not alone, I know that._

_As if I'd be deserted just like that._

_I'm loved. I know that._

_It just feels like sometimes my mind would like me to forget it._


End file.
